I have an off switch

I saw you on the bus, they say
As if they are surprised
To see me anywhere but school.

That’s where all the teachers
Are kept, you see.

After all the students leave
The caretakers shut us down
And lock us in a storage closet.

But being human and lazy
They sometimes send us on errands

Like to the supermarket.
So you might be taken by surprise
To see a teacher buying food

But we’re merely buying it
For a human caretaker

Operating us by remote control.
Everyone knows that teachers
Do not eat food.

Nor do we engage in any
Normal human behaviors

Such as sleeping, drinking, smoking,
Or having sexual intercourse.
And of course, being robots

We don’t have any real feelings
So feel free to be as cruel

As you like.

A Funny Day

Easter is a funny day.
A chocolate egg and bunny day.
A plastic grass and basket day.
A white eggs just aren’t good enough day.
An end to Lenten fasting day.
An Oh My! Jesus Came Back! day.
A different day on each year day.
A celebrate your own way day.
This funny often sunny day.
Have a Happy Easter Funny Day!

Exit Winter

You thought that she was finished, gone.
But then Late Winter comes along,
For one last party, one last fling,
Before it becomes proper spring.
One last performance, one last show,
Of rain and hail and wind and snow.
Then she takes a bow, exits the stage.
And lets Early Spring out of her cage.

Natural Beauty

With arms held high, she cheers
the lastest Eurovision Song Contest number.

With arms held high,
her natural armpits displayed
in all their shockingly unshaven glory.

The video becomes viral on YouTube.

She is called disgusting, repulsive,
unhygenic, and worst of all, unsexy.

She probably doesn’t shave her
pubic area either.

Or her legs.

Unsexy.

How dare she?

Doesn’t she know that
women are supposed to remove
all of their hair, apart
from what’s on the top of their heads?

And their eyebrows. But those should be
meticulously shaped, plucked or waxed.

At least today.

“So what’s with the eyebrows?”
I was repeatedly asked by students
when I took them to see a Frida Kahlo exhibit.

In those days in Mexico, thick bushy eyebrows were
considered sexually attractive.

“Really?? Gross!!!”

But armpit hair? That’s inexcusible.
That’s outrageous.

And as I get ready for another
painful sesson of waxing and plucking
of extraneous facial hair,
I wonder how it got that way.

Feeling Spring

Spring is here at last!
Time to expose my toes.
Off with those winter clothes!
For spring is finally here.
I want to feel it on my skin,
Let the warmth and sunshine in,
I feel spring within my bones,
And especially up my nose.

The Cheeseburger Perspective

“It’s music that makes people come together. It’s like this, if we see the world in cheeseburger perspective, if the world didn’t have any music it would be like a cheeseburger without the cheese. That’s what I think.”

These were the concluding sentences in a student’s essay about the power of music. To me it sounds like the end of a Mark Base blog post.

Spelled Spelled Spelt

Spelled spelled spelt,
May be spelled right.
But to me it looks unkempt.
Don’t mean to start,
A grammar fight,
But it’s got me all verklempt.

Does one say dreamed,
Or is it dreamt?
Depends on where you’re from.
The English prefer,
Their past tense teas.
But Americans like them none.

We’ve spilled.
They’ve spilt
We’ve barbecued.
They’ve grilled.
We’ve stood in line.
They’ve queued.

And spelt to me.
Is not a verb.
It is a type of wheat,
With high protein,
And often served,
As a tasty breakfast treat.

Happy St. Paddy’s (not Patty’s) Day

I’m not even Irish,
Yet this bothers me…
But it’s Paddy, okay?
And not Patty.
Saying Patrick or Paddy
Is fine, even grand.
But Patty’s just wrong.
Please understand,
It’s wee for Patricia.
But in case you forgot,
A wee grand version
Of Patrick,
It’s not.

one day won’t do

i’ve got a womb
so it’s asssumed
i need a day
though i must say
one day won’t do
neither will two
what i really need
is a good deed
i need a fight
for equal rights
so keep your day
give us equal pay
and keep your cards
instead work hard
make them aware
just get out there
make it less grim
for international women