They say…

…and they are always right, aren’t they?

They say that when one resumes the “art” of writing, that the writer should be disciplined; that the writer should sit down once and day and grab some words, rearrange them into sentences which will inevitably form a paragraph which could potentially result in many paragraphs with the ideal goal of producing some sort of cogent essay or story.  I was really hoping for a massively long run-on sentence and this should demonstrate exactly where my brain isn’t because I couldn’t even formulate that.

I crawled into my office this morning with a cup of coffee and a bit of grit and determination to make the words say something pretty or something repulsive.  Nothing happened.  I grew frustrated and started fidgeting around with WordPress which made me unpleasant and intolerable so I tried taking a nap.

Après failed nap, I waddled back into my office and resumed the exercise.  Again, nothing happened.

I went downstairs, grabbed a handful of chocolate covered raisins, stuffed them in my foodhole, washed them down with water (which I always carry with me in some nalgene-ish bottle) and dragged myself back upstairs to my office.  Nothing.

I turned on the tv and watched recorded episodes of The Gilmore Girls.  Nothing.

I started thinking of my usual sources for inspiration but it’s a slow news day so I cannot get in touch with my inner hate.  My husband and child aren’t home so I cannot start any fights with the husband and use him as a fire source.  There aren’t even any annoying dogs barking in the neighborhood today.  It’s just…quiet and pleasant.  MEH.

In an attempt to avoid the dreaded and much feared writer’s block, I have started making notes of topics I’d like to explore further.  So far, I have a few really solid ideas and a handful of 1/2-assed ones but I’m not even in the mood to work through those.  These potential stories have meaning and I don’t want to water down the impact they may have because of my general ennui.

Yeah.  So I just banged out 300+ words to sum up what Pinkie Pie says in one picture:


Things I’ve failed to do.

1. Floss. I promised the dentist I would but I only did for about a week after my last checkup. Why did I say I would? Now I’ve lied to a dentist and I feel really awful about it.

2. Get a Driver’s Licence. I did try pretty seriously at one point. Even took driver training classes. But I suck at it. I took the driver’s test three times and I failed it three times. At this point I’ve come to the conclusion that I just wasn’t meant to drive, especially now since my epilepsy diagnosis won’t allow me to drive anyway.

3. Ridden in a Limousine. Probably the only realistic opportunity to do this would have been on Prom Night, but I never went to my high school senior prom because I was a huge dork and most boys wouldn’t talk to me, let alone ask me to the prom.

4. Gotten Married. At my age that’s pretty pathetic. Then again, at my age, I really don’t see the point. My boyfriend and I have been living together for seven years and we’ve already done almost everything that married couples do, like buy furniture together and occasionally have sex.

5. Had Kids. Not from a lack of wanting or trying, though. Well, perhaps from a little lack of trying. I am woman with a functional reproductive system and my boyfriend is also fully functional, but I remain non-knocked up.

6. Go to the Gym. I really hate exercise. I mostly just watch TV in my free time, which currently makes up most of my time in these post laid off from work days. I very occasionally do other stuff, but laziness is my predominating characteristic.

Famous Paintings Improved by Cats

The other day I was bored and asked my Facebook friends to help me occupy my brain. Very few of them picked up on the Ozzy reference, but I was directed to a post on the Ned Hardy site, which I must say, features some of the most chair falling off hilarious pictures I’ve ever seen. Here’s an example:

I can think of very little that wouldn't be improved by the addition of a large orange tabby cat.

To see more painting improvement, visit the page.