POLICY ANNOUNCEMENT

This is the Central Scrutinizer.

As per our new policy it has been decided that the word Love, in its verb form, is to be removed from use in all languages. This is to take effect immediately, internationally.

This is due in large part to continued shallow and meaningless usage, bordering on empty hyperbole.

Love may continue to be discussed as a subject, and as a concept, however you will no longer be able to say “I love you”, only show it.

This policy decision will be reviewed on an annual basis.

Go forth and show, not say.

TCS

WOTD: cynical

Dictionary.com defines the adjective cynical as “bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous or pessimistic.” Haha, I’m totally impressed by their use of the word, “sneeringly.” Well done.

Anyway, we’re so bloody cynical at work. Not only has it gotten to the point where we assume that everything will be shit (that’s a given) we actually place bets on just how shit it will be. Right now three colleagues and myself have an office sweepstakes going on about how many people will bother showing up for tonight’s open house. The lowest bet is zero, followed by two, three, and my rather optimistic five. The winner will get a bottle of cheap wine.

We’re teachers, okay? We don’t get paid enough to buy anything decent or expensive.

Update: The person who guessed that zero people would attend is the winner. She’ll get a plastic container of Great White Aussie Chardonnay.

Stop complaining about my complaining!

I like to complain, although it’s a strain,
On your overly optimistic ears,
Like a Tourette’s tic I find it’s cathartic,
It has kept me out of prison for years,
Don’t understand? Well my seeming command,
Of my actions is not all it appears,
Your complaining about my complaining,
Besides causing hypocritical jeers,
Takes me to the edge, and this much I pledge,
If I do crack you‘ll soon know it my dears,
When I complain it’s to keep myself sane,
To stop my system from jamming its gears,
Accept when I rant, and maybe I shan’t,
Tear a strip off of your collective rears!

No Milk Situation

The very indication,
Of a no milk situation,
Is a source of office crisis.
Always causing great distress.
Oh, whatever shall we do?
This surely can’t be true.
Have we no relief or remedy,
For this lack of milk emergency?
Well, you could go to the store,
Forthwith and buy some more.
And solve this milky lack.
Or just learn to drink it black.

Your Shadow

Let me be your shadow when the night falls,
Creeping through your subconscious as it calls,
From its deepest place and its dark desire,
I can reach that spark, I can build a fire,
Softly enveloping each part of you,
Revealing things that not even you knew,
Unraveling each of your mysteries,
Your animal self, your Divinities,
Unleashing The You, you knew could be there,
The You locked inside The You when you dare,
Brick by brick we can both tear down your walls,
Let me be your shadow when the night falls.