Memorial Day Chicken Recipe

1.  Get some chicken.

2. Get a grill.

3. Take chicken pieces out and place in a bowl.  Pour olive oil all over the chicken and then add Old Bay Seasoning.  Put your hands in the bowl and mix chicken all around making sure that the olive oil and the seasoning cover all the surfaces.

4. Heat grill and then grill the chicken till it’s done.  Stick a thermometer in there so that you don’t get some kind of food poisoning.

5. Let’s recap:  Chicken, grill, olive oil, Old Bay Seasoning, bowl, heat, thermometer.  Done!

Fine dining my bottom

So last Friday Sharkette and I went on a date after many months of no restaurant visits.  We decided to check out the restaurant at the airport that we’ve heard so much about and try their Italian-American fare.  Though the interior was nice, I found several things lacking.  Maybe it’s because I’ve watched one too many Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsay, but some things are just so common that you should just know that you don’t do that in a restaurant.

First, if somebody orders a slice of pie for dessert, it would be nice if you told them it was frozen when they bite into it!  I don’t know if it was supposed to have been served cold, or they forgot to defrost it, but Sharkette doesn’t dig ice pie.

Secondly, if you are going to be a waitress, try to look at least a little interested in your patrons.  I know we might not be the most interesting people in the world, but we are paying for your tip so please show us some frakking courtesy!

Thirdly, though the adage, “if you got time to lean, you have time to clean,” is wonderful, please don’t do that when you still have diners eating!  How annoying would it be if I invited you over for dinner and I vacuumed the dining room while you ate???  Seriously!

Fourthly, I know there is only an hour left before the restaurant closes, but you could you please not have the entire staff sitting at another table gabbing away???  I could hear everything they were saying, and I didn’t much care for their conversation.  It’s bad enough having to listen to other diners, but I certainly don’t want to hear from the wait staff as well.

That said, the prime rib was outstanding and your fries were excellent.  The bread sticks were to die for.

American Recovery Sandwich

I’ve been down and out for the last couple of days.  A virus knocked me out, filled my throat with ulcers, and gave me a bad case of Montezuma’s Revenge.  Needless to say I’ve not been around on Random Misanthrope.

I’m back, kind of, and I praise part of my recovery to a sandwich that I invented.  I call it the American Recovery Sandwich.  If you haven’t eaten anything for days and lost over five pounds to diarrhea, this sandwich is just what you need to feel better.  Now I’m no nutritionist or medical professional, so I urge you to contact a professional before munching down on one of these.

Here’s what you do:

First, you will need to get a hotel steak or one of those thin steaks that are easily found in your local grocery store.  If you can’t find one, just ask your butcher, these are pretty cheap cuts of meat which suits me just fine.  After all, it’s an American Recovery Sandwich hahaha.  Sear it up on the grill or in a cast iron skillet, and use Canadian or Montreal steak seasoning.

Secondly, take a yellow onion, slice it up into rings, and brown it up in olive oil in a skillet.

Then take a slice of whole grain bread and toast it.  Smear it with horseradish cream.

Cut up the meat into thin slices and place them on the bread.  Top all of it with the onions.  Add a slice of cheddar cheese and put it in a microwave or an oven to melt the cheese.  Sprinkle Old Bay Seasoning on top and serve with two Kosher dill spears.  Bon Appétit!!!


…faked ziti

From the “what the fuck should I cook for fucking dinner” files…

There were green peppers on the verge of spoiling in the fridge.  We also had a mountain of meat, enough boxes of pasta to build a fortress to keep the birthers away, some yellow onions and mozzarella cheese.  I started thinking of what to make for dinner and decided – fuck it.  What if I put it all in a casserole and call it something?  How bad can it be?

With that, I present Kang’s Faked Ziti

  • 1 pound pasta (I’m partial to Rotini because it reminds me of my beautifully, springy curly hair)
  • 2 jars Marinara sauce
  • 1 pound ground meat or Italian sausage
  • 2 green bell peppers, sliced and chunked
  • 1 yellow onion, sliced
  • Fresh garlic
  • Mozzarella cheese
  • Brown meat, drain, set aside.
  • Cook pasta – remove from heat one or two minutes prior to instructed cooking time, reserve approximately 1 cup of pasta water, strain.
  • Sautee peppers, onions and garlic on low-ish heat in olive oil until onions are translucent.
  • Grab pasta pot and dump meat, veg and 1 jar of sauce.  Blend with spoon of choice.
  • Add noodles and some of the reserved water, stir again.
  • Eyeball and sample.  If necessary, add more sauce.
  • Open bag o’ shredded mozzarella, dump in pot, stir.
  • Dump in baking dish.
  • Dump more cheese on top.
  • Bake in preheated oven at 350 degrees until gooey and bubbly (25 – 30 minutes-ish)

It’s not a science.  It’s not even proper baked ziti.  It is, however, a great way to use up items that are nearing an expiration date, it’s damn easy to make and everyone loves stuff covered in a good marinara and cheese.

Tray full of om nom nom and win prior to baking (and prior to additional cheese-ing for the cheese inclined)

Word of the Day: smörgåsbord

Today’s word is one of the few Swedish words that has been incorporated into the English language. I’ve chosen to use the original Swedish spelling, but of course the English spelling leaves out the Swedish vowels ö and å. One of the hardest aspects of learning Swedish is learning how to pronounce these vowels properly.

The word smörgåsbord is a compound noun, which are commonplace in Swedish but rare in English. It’s comprised of the words smörgås (sandwich) and bord (table) so the word translated literally into English is “a table of sandwiches.” In reality, it’s usually much more than that. The dictionary defines smörgåsbord as “a buffet meal of various hot and cold hors d’oeuvres, salads, casserole dishes, meats, cheeses, etc.”

I’ve always thought of a smörgåsbord as a variety of different dishes that don’t necessarily go together. That’s probably because years ago when I was staying with my grandmother, I remember she would say “Let’s have a smörgåsbord lunch.” This meant we would have a buffet of whatever leftovers that happened to be in the fridge. This could be spaghetti, beef stew, Greek salad and pineapple rings.

The word smörgåsbord also has a more figurative meaning, as an extensive array or variety.

For example:

During my last flight to the United States I was subjected to smörgåsbord of problems, everything from lost luggage to frozen toilet water. 

Of course in the above example, I’m using the word ‘everything’ metaphorically.

Until next time…

McJobs, the road to recovery

I admit I enjoy waking up in the morning and checking the Drudge Report.  It’s kind of like watching a fuel-oil fire: very fascinating and it fills you with dread to think what it’s doing to the environment.  The big headline link on Drudge was about the massive hiring event that McDonald’s is having.  Apparently they are aiming to hire 50,000 new employees this month.  They are also engaged in some serious PR, trying to persuade people that a job at McDonald’s is not a McJob, but can lead to a fruitful career.  I read that a McDonald’s manager can make up to $50,000 dollars a year.  For real?  Shit, that’s more than I make now!  Still, I don’t think my parents would be too proud of me unless I was actually in McDonald’s Corporate, and I’m not about to quit my day job.

I’ve got nothing against McDonald’s, in fact I eat there at least once a week.  Those stupid fries are addictive, and hopefully if I die, they will preserve my body without the need of formaldehyde hahahaha, I kid, I kid.  No, McDonald’s is doing great, they are a profitable company that employs thousands of people, and they are also one of the largest real estate owners in the country.  One could say that McDonald’s is too big to fail.  I applaud McDonald’s for trying to get this economy back on track by offering jobs to people, and for not requiring a government bail-out.  In fact, McDonald’s is helping us all out with their deliciously cheap Dollar Value Menu.

My only concern is if this is the future of job creation in America?

…om nom nom!

Yes.  I should be making a proper Passover dinner.  Instead, I spent some time at Target stocking up on plastic eggs and candy for Milkface’s school.  I am the worst Jew in the world.

Anyhooo…I don’t have much to say as my mouth is full of sweet delight and it’s impolite to talk with your mouth full.

zomgwtfbbqrolo!!!111!

Just for Kang, Kebabs!

Everybody knows that Sweden has the best, authentic kebabs.  In fact, I can’t think of anything more uniquely Swedish and worthy of a Michelin Star in itself, than a kebab.  I took this photo a few years ago, it’s me sitting at Malmö Kebab in Saluhallen, Malmö, Sweden.  Sadly the place has since closed down, much to the detriment of the Swedish culinary establishment.  If anybody knows of another good kebab place in Malmö, let me know!

Word of the Day: the whole enchilada

Today’s word is actually a phrase. More precisely, it’s an idiom. Its meaning is basically the same as the phrases: “the whole ball of wax” and “the whole nine yards,” (among others) meaning “all of it” or “everything we’ve got.”

Finding the origins of idiomatic phrases is not always as straight-forward as one might think.  Like the phrase, “the whole ball of wax,” the origin of “the whole enchilada” is a bit of a mystery. The former phrase is so old that the original meaning has been lost over time, although there are a lot of guesses. Some think it originated with workers at Madame Tassauds, but this is not the case. It’s much older than that.

According to this website, “the whole enchilada” dates back to the 1960s, although the site doesn’t provide any references as to who originally coined it. A similar phrase, “the big enchilada” was forever immortalized when it was mentioned by John Ehrlichman on one of the infamous Watergate Tapes. He was referring to Attorney General John N. Mitchell. In this instance, “the big enchilada” means the same thing as the “the big cheese.”

PRESIDENT: Mitchell, you see, is never, never going to go in and admit perjury. I mean you can uh, talk about immunity and all the rest, but he’s never going to do that.
HALDEMAN: They won’t give him immunity anyway, I wouldn’t think, unless they figure they could get you. He is as high up as they’ve been.
EHRLICHMAN: He’s the big Enchilada

Several minutes of Googling around didn’t reveal any satisfactory explanation for the origin of “the whole enchilada.” Perhaps if I had more time I could dig a little deeper, but for now I’ll leave you with a picture of a tantalizingly delicious-looking “enchilada.”

Photobucket

Yep, that’s an enchilada. Yesterday, Tobbe and I stopped to grab a bite to eat at a gatukök (Swedish kebab shop and pizzeria) which featured some Mexican dishes in addition to the usual gatukök fare. I ordered the chicken enchilada and that’s what I got. Tobbe ordered a kebab plate and this is what he got:

Photobucket

That’s a proper kebab plate: a pile of french fries and shaved meat drenched in creamy sauce.

The “enchilada” I got didn’t look like any enchilada I’d ever eaten before, which is why I had to take a picture of it to show the folks back home. But it was actually really good. The sort of bread bowl it came in was crispy and delicious, but I wasn’t able to eat the whole enchilada.

Until next time.