I love the sound of the rain

I love the sound of the rain,
Especially in the night,
It calms me,
And slightly alters my perceptions,
So instead of ingesting negativity,
I feel cleansed, and glad, and free,
Appreciating where I am and what I’ve got,
Not focusing on hindrances,
That block my way,
Wish I could stay,
In this moment,
When it all feels good,
And there’s no pain,
No fight for acceptance,
No need to gain,
It’s quiet, and dark,
In the middle of the night,
Everything feels right,
And I love the rain.


Wanting it to work
Hoping it will work
Trying to make it work
Longing for it to work
Before realizing
It’s not supposed to BE work.
Not like this at any rate.
Not in a way that leaves me waiting
For the good part to come
For the joy to reveal itself
Having to heal myself
From missunderstandings and accusations
Red herrings
False expectations.
I’m supposed to feel that joy
Even in the harder moments.
It’s meant to infuse and define
The entire process
Leaving me feeling more
Not less.
I’ll confess to the part that’s mine
It’s taken far too much time
For me to learn what life’s been teaching
I’ve actually been over-reaching
In attempts to deal with holes to fill
Thinking every hole an ill
Not being able to clearly see
That the holes are those that define me
And if I want to take command
I need to understand more of my own map
Not search for solutions in another’s lap
And when others come into my sight
I must resist with all my might
The urge to be someone’s white knight
Or someone’s dark horse, unpolished diamond
Not a sight on someone’s distant horizon
Need to understand there’s more for me
To wait for someone to adore me
Someone whom I adore in turn
Who’s there to share not make me learn
Their lessons unnaturally
But someone who fits comfortably
Where I don’t wait for joy revealed
Where there’s so much joy it can’t be concealed
Where the love feels like a blessed gift
And even the work gives me a lift
Where stumbling’s accepted, not judged
Not critized and begrudged
We all make mistakes
I need someone who takes
Those things in stride
Not a force to be defied
But whose eyes light up
In love and kindness
Where each day serves to remind us
That we are better off together
And whether that will come along
I can’t be sure
But a love that pure
Is the only one worth taking
Till then
I’ll be making my own way
Living my life day to day
And being finally able to say,
Without a doubt to linger at
I’m actually okay with that.

As I Am

As I am I am,
Am I as I am?
Love me or leave me,
Deny or receive me,
Don’t ask for changing,
Or expect rearranging,
My self is my own,
Not yours to construct,
Don’t like how I’ve grown?
Then go and get fucked!
Didn’t travel this far,
To get put in a jar
A gem for your collection,
Void of self reflection,
I don’t give a damn,
If I pass your exam,
Am I as I am?
Yes, I am as I am!

Spooning a Stranger (a co-write)

Spooning a stranger,
Wondering how I got here,
What’s the distance from now to then,
Leaving myself behind,
Talk when she says when,
She brings me to the moment,
Takes me to the edge,
Turns me round,
Then brings me back again,
And because she is a stranger,
It’s safe enough to open up,
And let her come all the way in,
For when spooning a stranger,
A part of me lets go,
And where it goes,
I guess I’ll never know.