Wanting it to work
Hoping it will work
Trying to make it work
Longing for it to work
Dreaming
Striving
Before realizing
It’s not supposed to BE work.
Not like this at any rate.
Not in a way that leaves me waiting
Constantly,
For the good part to come
For the joy to reveal itself
Constantly
Having to heal myself
From missunderstandings and accusations
Red herrings
False expectations.
I’m supposed to feel that joy
Even in the harder moments.
It’s meant to infuse and define
The entire process
Leaving me feeling more
Not less.
I’ll confess to the part that’s mine
It’s taken far too much time
For me to learn what life’s been teaching
I’ve actually been over-reaching
In attempts to deal with holes to fill
Thinking every hole an ill
Not being able to clearly see
That the holes are those that define me
And if I want to take command
I need to understand more of my own map
Not search for solutions in another’s lap
And when others come into my sight
I must resist with all my might
The urge to be someone’s white knight
Or someone’s dark horse, unpolished diamond
Not a sight on someone’s distant horizon
Need to understand there’s more for me
To wait for someone to adore me
Someone whom I adore in turn
Who’s there to share not make me learn
Their lessons unnaturally
But someone who fits comfortably
Where I don’t wait for joy revealed
Where there’s so much joy it can’t be concealed
Where the love feels like a blessed gift
And even the work gives me a lift
Where stumbling’s accepted, not judged
Not critized and begrudged
We all make mistakes
I need someone who takes
Those things in stride
Not a force to be defied
But whose eyes light up
In love and kindness
Where each day serves to remind us
That we are better off together
And whether that will come along
I can’t be sure
But a love that pure
Is the only one worth taking
Till then
I’ll be making my own way
Living my life day to day
And being finally able to say,
Without a doubt to linger at
I’m actually okay with that.