I have a fondness for those colorful metaphors that are often Southern American in origin. In fact at one point I was even thinking of compiling a book of them, but there are countless pages on the internet that list them. Some of my favorites include:

As nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
As dumb as a bag of rocks. (I use this one often to describe my cat.)
As useless as tits on a bull.

Of course there are hundreds more, and some of them have been around so long the original meaning has become obscured over time. Thusly:

He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.
He’s so windy he could blow up an onion sack.
He’s tighter than a flea’s ass over a rain barrel.

See what I mean? Each one of those produces a rather bewildered “huh?”

“Thick as a whale omelette.” is something I heard the Prince Regent character say in the Blackadder III series. I like it but most Americans don’t know that “thick” is British slang for stupid.

One I made up and use when I’m about to depart is “Well, I’m off like a whore’s panties.”

Bye for now…