Go Fuck Yourself Weekly: Martin Shkreli aka The Pharma Bro

I know, I know. Every news outlet and blog has already reported about Martin Shkreli and the infamous price gouging maneuver he pulled about a month ago. But if there’s anyone who deserves to be told to go fuck himself this week, it’s this guy. It simply has to be done.

Anyway, if you want to know the all details of who he is and what he did, there are plenty of them out there. However, in the teensiest of nutshells, this scumbag is the founder of a startup pharmaceutical company called Turing Pharmaceuticals. Last month they bought the patent for a drug called Daraprim – which is used to treat parasitic infections like toxoplasmosis – and raised the price of the drug from $13.50 (or $18, as Shkreli claims) to $750 per pill.

Yes, you read that right. PER PILL.

Seven hundred and fifty fucking dollars per pill.

That’s about a 5,500% (or only 4,000% as Shkreli claims) increase. I’m guessing it took about a month for someone to notice the price increase and expose the motherfucker. And when he was exposed, pretty much the entire internet attacked him. I don’t really have much to add to all the outrage. It’s all been discussed, tweeted, blogged, posted on Facebook, etc., over the past twenty-four hours.

Anyway, the mind simply boggles. It will not process this information. All I really have to say is this:

I mean, seriously, dude. WHAT THE FUCK????

I should point out that, by now, after enduring a huge internet shitstorm backlash, Shkreli has agreed to lower the price of the drug to a more “affordable” level. I put the word in quotes because who knows what the fuck he thinks affordable means. Previously, he said that the new price for the drug, $750, was a “more appropriate” price for it. I certainly don’t think he’s going to lower it down to its original price.

Unfortunately, in the United States of America, there are no laws regulating the costs of prescription drugs. It’s controlled by free-market capitalism. And as long as there are people needing live-saving medications, there will be people like this asshole willing to bend them over a chair and take advantage of them, without lube.


Wheelers and dealers,
Bankers with knives,
Slicing and dicing up,
Every day lives,
Buying and selling,
As much as they’re able,
With nary a clue,
About my kitchen table,
No ounce of concern,
About who gets burned,
Just their own bottom line,
Does a profit get turned?
No ethical squirms,
As they rape and they pillage,
Just financial concerns,
As they sell off each village,
Families out borrowing,
Just to buy milk,
While they lay around,
Counting threads in their silk,
Gambling and playing,
With everyday savings,
All steered by the market’s
Random psychotic ravings,
People so powerful,
Yet incredibly dumb,
Who need to be finally,
Brought under our thumb.

Bunny Inc.

An Easter day all bright and sunny, Preparing for the Easter bunny,
That comes up from his little hole, And gives out all the eggs he stole,
He hops around, does all the playing, While hens work to do all the laying,
Their product’s great, fine execution, But they know naught of distribution,
So bunny put two and two together, A perfect blend of fur and feather,
With some savvy market tricks, He threw some chocolate in the mix,
Through work and brains and dedication, He brought the world a new creation,
So Happy Easter, With a nod and wink,
All brought to you by Bunny Inc.