Staedtler Integrity 9505 Mechanical Pencil 0.5mm Lead

I’m a pretty easy-going fellow, I don’t obsess about things and I’m quite modest…  Just ask my wife.  All things considered, I do have some standards when it comes to writing instruments however.  For example, if you are looking for a cheap, unpretentious pen, you can do no wrong with a ubiquitous Mont Blanc MeisterstĂĽck.

Whenever I look for fine writing instruments, I prefer to buy pens and pencils made in either Germany or Japan.  The attention to detail and excellent manufacturing mechanisms in place in those two countries mean that you get a superior product every time.  When you buy a pencil from a German company, manufactured in Japan, it’s pretty much guaranteed that writing bliss is only moments away:  the Staedtler Integrity 9505 mechanical pencil is a case in point.

Now Dave on his blog, Dave’s Mechanical Pencils, did not give the Staedtler high marks, much in part because he had a breakage factor.  He did however write up a very thorough review, so I’m not going to elaborate on this pencil by doing my own.  But, I will mention that during my own testing I had very few breakage issues, less so than with other pencils, so I guess it all depends upon how you prefer to write.  My touch is light as a feather.  Until next time my friends…

Word of the Day: oxymoron

Today’s word is one of my favorite words in the English language. An oxymoron is not a stupid person (or a stupid ox), but a rhetorical device in which the words that make it up are expressed in a seemingly incongruous or contradictory manner. This is sometimes done deliberately for dramatic effect, i.e.: gentle violence.

The oxymoron can be used for dramatic or ironic emphasis and thus it is often found in poetry, such as in Lewis Carroll’s “The Walrus and the Carpenter”:

The sun was shining on the sea.
Shining with all his might.
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright.
And this was odd because it was
The middle of the night.

The reader knows that it doesn’t make any sense for the sun to be shining brightly with all his might in the middle of the night, and that’s why this opening stanza is so effective. That and Carroll’s over all poetic brilliance, of course.

There are many different types of oxymorons and Wikipedia does a good job of explaining what they are.  I particularly enjoy the inadvertent oxymorons, which are basically rhetorical mistakes people have made in speech or writing, and they didn’t even realize what they just said or wrote. Examples include:

original copy
extremely average
definite possibility
objective opinion

Some of the above examples have been used so often that one might not even be aware that they don’t actually make any rhetorical sense.

Bye for now.

Making a custom pencil case

I love pencils.  And I love pens.  Let’s just say that I love all methods of putting words to paper, or perhaps words to screen, if you will.  Needing something new to carry my pencils around in, I decided to construct my own Miss Kitten-inspired, custom pencil case from things around me.  I’m a big proponent of the “Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle” movement.

Here’s what you will need:

  • Some thin cardboard
  • Packing tape
  • Scissors

Cut the cardboard to the desired length, wrap some packing tape around it, sealing one end, and you are good to go!  Not complicated at all…  Enjoy the photos.

The morning routine

Apart from the usual waking up, shit, shower and shave routine, I do love a cup of Sunny D, a Hot Pocket, and a morning paper.  Yeah, Sunny D isn’t really orange juice, but you get your 100% daily dose of Vitamin C, along with your high fructose corn syrup.   What’s not to like?  The Hot Pocket is a wonderful, portable meal that ties you over nicely till lunch time.  As for the morning paper, I get the local rag at work and since my favorite newspapers: The New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, The Wall Street Journal, The Financial Times, etc., don’t home deliver to Central Illinois, I’m stuck with going to the local newspaper stand for my fix.  I wish I could do a subscription, not only would it save money, but it would be nice to wake up to a paper every morning.  I suppose I could do mail order, but that would mean I would get the paper one or two days behind all the time.  What’s the fun in that?  Anyhow, what is your morning routine?

Hot Pocket, Sunny D, Newspaper

…instant messaging can suck it

Many, many things irritate me.  One of my bigger bugbears is being interrupted at work. I realize people have questions and I realize that I’m the one with the lack of patience.  I fully accept my flaws and eat the fault.  I simply cannot abide by instant messaging, though.

A few months ago, our IS department decided to turn all of our laptops into mini-cyborgs with the magic of Office Communicator.  It’s pretty slick program and while I’m not the biggest fan of VOIP, I do love the convenience factor.  What I love most is the ability to share my screen and work collaboratively.  The amount of problems solved in short amount of time is staggering.  Being able to explain something to someone and have them actually get it without rolling out the white board and dry erase markers is sheer joy.

Being interrupted every five fucking minutes (via IM) by some stupid question or “ohaihowareyou” comment is enough to drive me to kill.  I’m so not fucking around here, either.

As I’m happily pecking along, creating a monument to Rube Goldberg in Excel, I am confronted with the ping.  The dreaded ping.  The ping to end all pings.  And I know that on the other side of the ping is an otherwise lovely individual deliberately interrupting my brilliance for their stupid questions.  Or boredom.  Or frustration.

We are not permitted to disable this feature.  Don’t bother setting your status to busy or do not disturb, either.  No one pays any attention to this.  Particularly those who are prone to sending you an instant message about what flavor of oatmeal to have for breakfast.  I don’t fucking care.  Sincerely.  Really.  I don’t care.

I’m not the least bit concerned of the whereabouts of a meeting agenda.  I don’t care that you cannot find something.  I don’t care that you’re doing something tedious and need some amusement to lighten your day.  I. AM.  BUSY.  I am doing something.  I am occupied and that’s all that really matters in this world, isn’t it?

I would love to generate some sort of automatic response that reads:  Unless you’re on fire, kindly fuck off and die.  Alas, I cannot.  I don’t want to hear feedback about my lack of interpersonal skills and that I need to be a “team-player.”   No.  No.  Instead, I will grit my teeth, inhale deeply, slap on a fake smile and say “ohaithar! howareyoutoday?” while pointing a finger gun at my temple.

…holidays in hell

Following Shark’s lead, I present…

“…All the light switches in Europe are upside down.  The electrical plugs are terrifying with nine or a dozen huge, nasty prongs, and you’d better wear rubber boots if you come within a yard of them because house current here is about one hundred thousand volts.  Not that that makes the appliances work. This electric typewriter I’m pounding, for instance – I’d throw it out the window but it’s one of those silly European windows that, when you push it open from the right, comes back around from the left and smacks you in the back of the head.”

page 187

Cake and Cunnilingus

Yes, yes, you read that correctly! Today, April 14th is supposed to be Cake & Cunnilingus Day, a feminine response to March 14th which is, as we all know, Steak & Blowjob day. There are days for all kinds of other things so why not these two eh? I can think of far worse things to celebrate, so why not the ultimate in having your cake and eating it too? It is certainly worthy of a verse:

Happy Cake and Cunnilingus,
It’s a day that’s supposed to bring us,
Off a special way,
A holiday divine,
Or as it’s known at mine,
Beard washing day!