We were drowning.
Both of us.
and like drowning people do,
we panicked.
Desperately clinging to each other,
whilst at the same time pushing each other away.
Both of us.
Weighed down with baggage.
So much baggage.
Tied fast, to our hands, our feet,
our bodies, our minds, our hearts, our souls.
Pulling us, dragging us, downward,
and apart.
I was dragged so far down
I couldn’t see you anymore.
Didn’t know if you were above me,
or below me.
I only knew I was drowning,
as were you.
Both of us.
In our bid to survive,
we lost each other,
in our frantic attempt to shed ourselves
of all that was weighing us down.
I lost sight of you, as I tried to
cut cords and set myself free,
find me,
and in time,
I did.
Finally rising up to the surface,
having shed myself of everything,
I manage to scan the horizon,
and there, much
to my eternal surprise,
I see you, in the distance,
bobbing freely, and serenely.
I can see a glow around you,
and I start to swim slowly in your direction,
my heart lifting,
when I realise it appears,
you are also swimming,
towards me.
Random Misanthrope 
I thought you were going to end it with both individuals seeing eachother in the glow…strong and free…admiring eachother from afar as they did when they first met ideas…and then swimming away from eachother…but I liked the course you took
This is just lovely. I love the images, and I especially love the last stanza.
Beautiful write! Great story and I love the way you brought it aaround to a sense of hope. Nicely done!
One I posted on the Parking Lot kind of fits the mood of yours: http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/perfect-love/
This is my post for the Picnic; http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2011/10/23/the-wolf-and-the-rose/
I really like how you changed the poem into a tale of hope; I was identifying with it all the way until the ending; sadly, I’ve never experienced that hope. Lovely, very well written!
hopeful move, Glad to see connection forming,
thanks for sharing.
🙂
I like the repetition of the line “both of us” in the first section. Powerful piece. Very visual. Really conveys the message that if you keep clinging to one another then you’ll both go down. Only by letting go can “both of you” be saved.
I used to think that old piece “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it’s yours, if it doesn’t it never was” was just a corny cliche, but I know now that it’s not. The piece ends in hope because that’s where I, unexpectedly, against all odds, find myself. When taking my life’s journey into account, it has actually taken me six years to write that piece.
well cooked piece.
I can see the motions, beautiful imagery.