Christmas Belongs in December

We all know there’s a reason,
For stretching out the season,
It’s very clear, no discretion implied,
The market knows what sells,
They ring Pavlov’s Christmas bells,
Knowing we will open up our wallets wide,
Christmas is swell,
Carols and bells,
But bloody hell,
It’s only mid-November,
Christmas time belongs in December!
Sure I like the lights,
All those funny elves in tights,
Food and toys and candy on each shelf,
Peace, goodwill and all that stuff,
You know I just can’t get enough
But I’d rather wait until month number twelve

Neurotic Christmas

We have an uneasy, awkward,
Relationship with happiness.
As if Being Happy is wrong.
Offensive to those living
In poverty and despair.
Remember the Band Aid boys,
Guilt-tripping everyone,
For having a good time?
Oh, how could you? For shame!
For daring to enjoy Christmas,
When others are suffering?
If you’re not already
A miserable bastard,
You’ll surely be one,
By the end of this song.
Why, thanks guys.
I was about to have fun,
But you caught it just in time.