A funny thing happened on the way to my apartment…

Now that was weird. Earlier today as I was walking home from the tram stop, I recognized the woman who was getting her hair done at the same time I was getting mine done on Saturday. I think she and the salon owner might be friends because they both come from Iran and were speaking Persian to one another while I was there. I was headed home and listening to Lullaby by The Cure when she looked straight at me, obviously recognizing me. I smiled and nodded back, but as I mentioned, I was listening to my music and not in the position, nor the mood, to have a conversation with anyone.

A minute or so passed and I felt a tap on the back of my shoulder. I turned around and looked. It was her. I took my earphones out, thinking that she probably just wanted to say hello. Instead she took a small handbag out of her shopping bag and then reached in the small bag and removed two lipsticks. She said that the handbag and the lipsticks were new, that she had just bought them for 200 SEK, but that now she was out of money until Monday. Would I please buy them for 100 SEK? I looked at the handbag and it didn’t look new to me. There were no tags on it and it looked faded and worn. And only one of the lipsticks was unopened. The shrink wrap on the other one was broken.

I usually pay for things with my bank card and very rarely carry much cash. The grand total of cash I had on me was one 20 kronor bill (approx. $3.15) and a few coins. This is hardly anything. I honestly and sincerely didn’t have the money to help her and I told her this. She then continued to beg me to buy the items. I said that I understood and wished I could help her but I just didn’t have enough money on me. She looked like she was going to cry at that point, but she finally understood, and I finally was able to continue walking home.

I’ve seen many beggars and I’ve occasionally given them money to them, but I’ve never experienced anything like someone trying to sell me used makeup and handbags before. If I had a significantly larger amount of cash then I might have helped her out, but I wouldn’t have taken her used stuff.

Weird. It was just weird.

WOTD: Armageddon

As long as we’re all preoccupied with the Rapture and the Apocalypse, we might as well discuss what to do if Armageddon occurs. And I’m not talking about the astonishingly bad Michael Bay film from 1998. In religious/biblical terms Armageddon is the final epic battle between Christ/Good and the Anti-Christ/Evil. However, in more general terms it can be pretty much any “great and crucial” conflict.

The 2012 Phenomenon is considered to be part of the Armageddon mythos. If the Mayan Calendar is anything to go by, in 2012 the earth will be subjected to a series of unavoidable disasters and catastrophes which will culminate in the end of the world as we know it. So, your basic Armageddon.

You probably wouldn’t be at all surprised if I told you that there are several websites out there with important safety tips and “How to Survive” information for the coming disasters of 2012. For example this website discusses how to survive the “polar shift” (this is a misnomer for geomagnetic reversal) which will inevitably occur during 2012.

Those of us living in Northern Europe will probably be okay, but pretty much anyone living in the United States is screwed big time. Might as well start charging up those credit cards right now folks since you probably won’t survive Armageddon 2012.

This same website also offers for sale several items of specialized gear for those who wish to maximize their chances of surviving the disasters of 2012. Included among these are Fruit of the Loom heavy cotton undershirts and Calvin Klein cotton boxer shorts.

Because after all, even if the world is coming to an end it’s important to make sure the family jewels have the support one has come to expect from a brand as reliable and well-known as Calvin Klein. And at £18-£30 for a package of three, they’re not only essential survival gear, they’re also a bargain.

Some of the survival items available for women include a 1950’s style floral halterneck dress, and a silver clutch handbag.

Because after all, even if the world is coming to an end it’s important to be as fabulously dressed as possible and with the proper accessories. It would never do to show to up to Armageddon with your everyday black leather handbag.

Bye for now…

WOTD: raphanizein

Here’s another word off the request line, brought to you by Poet Master Blitzken. Today’s word is a noun that I defy any of you to copy and paste into Google and search for images.

On second thought, that might not be a very good idea.

Rhaphanidosis, you see, is the practice of inserting the large roots of plants into the anus. This is not for sexual/bondage purposes. During the 4th and 5th centuries B.C. in Ancient Greece it was a common punishment for adultery. Apparently, they took adultery REALLY seriously back then. Getting a large horseradish root shoved up your ass sounds a bit worse than having to wear a scarlet letter A on your chest for the rest of your life.

This word isn’t used very often these days, but one could perhaps use it to describe a situation that feels (hopefully metaphorically) kind of like having something large and bulbous inserted into your backside in the most painfully unwelcome way.

Oh man, watching that movie was a raphanizeinian experience. (Baffle your friends.)

Incidentally, raphanizein wasn’t the only punishment for adultery back then. Sodomy by mullet fish was also common. And both the large radish and the fish would eventually run you through. Imagine having to choose between the two. Like having to choose between death by plague or cholera?

*shudders*