Observations: Swedish Customs

I’ve been living in Sweden for almost seven years so I’m pretty well assimilated by now. Naturally, there are a few things that still bother me, but I’ve gotten used to them. I’ve written previously about Systembolaget (the “System Company”…uh..yeah) Sweden’s outdated monolithic alcohol monopoly, but it’s certainly not unique to Sweden. With the notable exception of Denmark, all Nordic countries, including Iceland, have their own alcohol monopolies. Parts of Canada have similar systems in place as well. For all its flaws, it’s really not that bad. It has a huge variety of fermented grain and grape-based beverages. When my mom and grandmother and cousin came to visit me last year from the States, oh how they marveled at Systembolaget. They thought it was fantastic!

Anyway, this is more of an observation than a complaint, but one Swedish custom that I find kind of weird is the practice of saying congratulations to someone when it’s their birthday. Where I come from (America) the word congratulations is used when someone achieves something truly great or commendable, such as having a baby, or graduating from college, or getting promoted at work. Having a birthday is not really commendable unless you consider having lived another year to be a worthwhile achievement. When someone says congratulations to me when it’s my birthday I always say thank you, but I feel like saying, “For what? I haven’t done anything important. I just survived.”

Nothing special about that.

Be Excellent to Each Other

Dedicated to the Class of 2012

For three years now,
I’ve watched you grow.
Tried to teach you stuff,
You need to know.
For three years,
You’ve exited me,
Annoyed me,
And delighted me.

And now there’s nothing,
More to say.
You’re finished now,
And on your way.
It’s over now.
The time has come.
Life in the Real World,
Just begun.

I sure hope that we,
Have prepared you.
And I hope you know,
How much we care, too.
I’ve got one thing left,
I want to pass on.
Be excellent to each other.
And PARTY ON!

Keeping in Touch on Paper

I freely admit to being a 21st-century technology junkie.

I love my Kindle, and HDTV, and Spotify, and my smart phone, and the Internet, and my Transformer Prime tablet. I spend a lot of time using all that stuff. Almost all of my shopping for gifts, clothing, train and plane tickets, etc., is done online. For all its flaws, without Facebook I wouldn’t be able to stay in touch with anyone. Whenever I have a free moment during the course of my day, I’m most likely on my phone or my tablet. My mom and I used to email one another regularly, but increasingly these days we text. The instantaneous communication it offers is so much better than having to wait hours or even days for a response to an email. And naturally I keep in contact with all of my friends through Facebook and texting. With me living in Sweden those two things are absolutely indispensable for staying in touch with family and friends back in the United States.

And then there’s my dad, who’s just about the only person I know who is almost off the grid. He’s got a landline phone and a fixed address but that’s about it. He has no cell phone, and though he has a computer of sorts, it was manufactured sometime in the previous century, and is used mainly to play Tetris and Solitaire and not to access the internet. The thing is, though, is that I prefer him like this. I don’t want him to change. When I was still living in Oregon, I used to go and visit him for days at a time and always loved staying at his house on the coast and being totally unplugged.

However, I’ve had very little contact with him since I left the United States, but it’s not entirely his fault. Neither of us has made much of an effort to stay in touch. There have been a few phone calls but our main contact is still paper-based and amounts to one or two letters a year. Usually he encloses a check for several hundred dollars, which I endorse and immediately mail to my mother in California, who deposits said check in my American bank account.

This really is the most efficient way to deal with checks, which are used rarely, if at all in Sweden. I get my monthly salary deposited through bank transfer, as well as my tax refunds and all other payments, and all my bills are made online or through bank transfers. So when I get an actual check from the United States the way to deal with it involves a charmingly 20th-century process of using postage stamps and envelopes and mail boxes, all of which I don’t use very often anymore, so it’s fun in a quaintly nostalgic kind of way. Kind of like listening to music from the 90s or reading books made out of paper.

A couple of months ago, I got a check and a nice long letter from my dad, thanking me for the book of poetry I sent to him for Christmas. (I put this book together on Shutterfly, and put a lot of thought into the selection of the pieces and photographs. With the understanding that most people don’t like, appreciate or even get poetry, I felt comfortable sharing my work with only a few people, my mom and grandmother, my brother, sister, and my of course my dad. None of these poeple write poetry, but they know I do, and some of the pieces were quite personal and full of negative emotions.) I got busy (not in that way, you perv) as teachers often do at this time of year, and never got around to writing him back and thanking him for the $300 check. Then low and behold another envelope arrives a couple of days ago, this time with a $500 check and a one line message that reads, “Just because!” Now, I feel a bit sheepish. Or maybe like some other animal that doen’t write its semi-estranged father back in a timely manner.

With this additional amount of money, he’s now sent me enough money to buy a plane ticket to Portland to visit him. Perhaps this is supposed to be one giant hint, though I doubt it. He’s not the hint-giving type. I sat down at my computer and wrote him a letter. Not hand written, mind you. (Come on) I thanked him for the checks and informed him of my impending visit. It will probably be sometime in the fall. It’s just too expensive to travel during the summertime. The cost of a plane ticket more than doubles then due to the price gouging bastard airlines.

So it’s been, gosh, seven years since I last set foot in my dad’s house on the Oregon Coast. Seven years since I last saw the Pacific Northwest. I’m quite fond and familiar with it, you know, having lived there for the last ten years before moving abroad. I’ve got two degrees from the University of Oregon. GO DUCKS!!!

And my younger sister lives in Portland now, so that gives me another reason to visit that fair city. She manages a pub there, though I’m not sure which one. When I found that out, I got really excited. “I’m coming over!” I said.

Natural Beauty

With arms held high, she cheers
the lastest Eurovision Song Contest number.

With arms held high,
her natural armpits displayed
in all their shockingly unshaven glory.

The video becomes viral on YouTube.

She is called disgusting, repulsive,
unhygenic, and worst of all, unsexy.

She probably doesn’t shave her
pubic area either.

Or her legs.

Unsexy.

How dare she?

Doesn’t she know that
women are supposed to remove
all of their hair, apart
from what’s on the top of their heads?

And their eyebrows. But those should be
meticulously shaped, plucked or waxed.

At least today.

“So what’s with the eyebrows?”
I was repeatedly asked by students
when I took them to see a Frida Kahlo exhibit.

In those days in Mexico, thick bushy eyebrows were
considered sexually attractive.

“Really?? Gross!!!”

But armpit hair? That’s inexcusible.
That’s outrageous.

And as I get ready for another
painful sesson of waxing and plucking
of extraneous facial hair,
I wonder how it got that way.

The Plea

Mid 50’s. Anxiety ridden.
Voices that taunt and degrade him,
Sometimes urging him to take his own life.
He’s tried on more than one occasion.
He’s hunched over, shuffles.
His right hand shakes uncontrollably,
most likely due to the barrage of psych medicines
that his body endures.
Here we are again, meeting yet another new doctor.
I’m here with him because it’s my job.
He’s here because he wants help, which entails him
telling his story again for the umpteenth time.
The doctor is pretty good as they go, and I’ve met my share.
He wants details about the voices, the thoughts,
the impulses, the hallucinations.
He tries to probe into childhood traumas,
but my client won’t go there. Can’t go there.
The doctor leaves it be. He knows not to push.
He does however need to talk more about suicide.
The attempts. The idealization.
It’s then, under this line of questioning, that this timid, shaky man,
whom I’ve known for nigh on ten years,
reaches down to his core, past all his problems,
and from that place somewhere deep inside,
with a voice that literally quivers with this unexpected surge
of all the power he can muster, spontaneously blurts out:
“I want to live!”
His words hang there for a moment,
and we take them in,
before continuing.

The Cheeseburger Perspective

“It’s music that makes people come together. It’s like this, if we see the world in cheeseburger perspective, if the world didn’t have any music it would be like a cheeseburger without the cheese. That’s what I think.”

These were the concluding sentences in a student’s essay about the power of music. To me it sounds like the end of a Mark Base blog post.

one day won’t do

i’ve got a womb
so it’s asssumed
i need a day
though i must say
one day won’t do
neither will two
what i really need
is a good deed
i need a fight
for equal rights
so keep your day
give us equal pay
and keep your cards
instead work hard
make them aware
just get out there
make it less grim
for international women

Gabrielle Giffords Says She’s Leaving the House

That day when you were shot,
Is a day we’ll forget not,
And of course neither will you,
Nor your husband, the astronaut.
Meeting people, shaking hands.
Taking questions and demands,
Making time to act upon them.
But that man had other plans.
Approached you like a passerby,
Intending there and then you’d die.
With many others, he succeeded,
Not with you, though he did try.
Assassin’s bullet could not kill.
You did not die through luck or will.
And right back work you went,
Still climbing that recovery hill.
Dear lady, take more time.
All the time you need, resign.
And come back fully healed.
And feeling at your peak and prime.
You took a bullet in the head,
It’s a miracle you’re not dead.
You’re the luckiest woman alive,
Or the first immortal instead.

Inspired by this piece in today’s New York Times, in response to the New York Times Headline Poetry Picnic Challenge.