Shut. The Fuck. Up.

I’m so filled with disappointment,
Hope it’s okay if I bitch and vent.
But please be quiet for holy fucks sake,
When you have a national test to take.
You’re big kids now and you must see,
That no talking during the test exactly,
Means no talking, no note passing,
No whispering, and no harassing,
Of your fellow classmates or the teacher.
There’s really only one feature,
That I want to see and NOT to hear,
And that is fucking SILENCE, dear.
So keep your mouth shut, do your task.
I don’t think this is too much to ask.

WOTD: tomfoolery

Today’s word is an old-fashioned noun that should be used more often, in my opinion. It’s been replaced with coarser phrases like “bullshit” or “assbanditery.” However, unlike bullshit and assbanditery, tomfoollery is supposed to be harmless silly fun. It’s defined as “foolishness, silliness, horseplay, monkeyshines.”

But while tomfoolery is meant to be silly and more or less harmless, it can be downright annoying. A recent example of political tomfoolery is President Obama having to produce his long form birth certificate in order appease the so-called birthers. He had this to say about the situation:

“We do not have time for this kind of silliness. We’ve got better stuff to do. I have better stuff to do. We’ve got big problems to solve, and I’m confident we can solve them, but we’re going to have to focus on them – not on this.”

Of course we all know now that the “better stuff” Obama was working was the kill-or-capture raid of Osama bin Laden’s fortified house in Abottabad, which ended in the death of Numero Uno on the FBI’s Most Wanted Fugitive List.

Because these events (the birth certificate episode and Osama bin Laden’s death) happened practically simultanously, they gave rise to a meme where the utter silliness of the first story is juxaposed against the seriousness of the other, arguably one of the most profoundly important historical events of the post 9/11 world.

So far this one is my favorite:

memes - Certified Win!

Sitting around making meme pictures is another example of tomfoolery.

WOTD: hyper-parent

Today’s word is an adjective-noun combination that describes a certain type of parent who takes more than a healthy interest in his or her child’s education and life. The overall subject of generations and the differences between them is the topic of tomorrow’s writing exam, so we’ve been discussing it a lot in lessons. This hyper-parenting phenomenon is associated with the parents of the current generation, sometimes called Generation Y, the ‘Net Generation, or the Millennial Generation.

Many of these parents were latchkey kids. They were left to look after themselves and didn’t see very much of their own parents since they were at work most of the time. Thus today’s parents have swung the parenting pendulum. Basically they want to make sure that their own children are nurtured and given the attention that they lacked as Generation X/latchkey kids.

Of course it’s only natural and healthy for parents to want to nurture their kids. However, making up for their own experiences is not the only reason for this over-parenting. They understand that we live in a very competitive world and they’re willing to do just about anything to give their child the competitive edge, even to the point of doing their child’s homework for them. They seem to be afraid to let their child make his or own mistakes and learn from them. In some of the more extreme examples of hyper-parenting, some parents even go so far as having their otherwise healthy and normal kids injected with growth hormones to increase their height. They’re even willing to pay for plastic surgery.

In the U.S. these hyper-parents are also known as “helicopter parents,” constantly hovering around their kids and overseeing every detail of their lives. In Scandinavia, they are called “curling parents,” seen as frantically sweeping the “ice” in front of their kids. In Japan, there are “education mothers” who have dedicated their entire lives to steering their kids through the education system.

I have mixed feelings about this, since I was one of those latchkey kids, but I didn’t feel particularly neglected or under-parented. I had a key to the house from about the age of ten and I quickly learned to look after myself. Generation X kids are in general quite self-reliant and adaptable self-starters, and as a consequence we tend to work better on our own rather than in groups or teams. This can put us at somewhat of a disadvantage since most employers are looking for so-called team players in the workplace.

My parents divorced when I was a tiny child of four years old. I lived with my mother and occasionally visited with my father. The rest of the time we communicated via old school letters on paper and phone calls. Curiously, he seemed to take no interest whatsoever in how my brother and I were doing in school. It used to drive my mom crazy how he never once asked how school was going for us. While my mother took as active a roll as she could (helping with homework and science projects, without actually doing them for us) my father simply did not care.

It would have been nice if he did, but alas…

As a teacher I have to deal with these hyper-parents all the time. I just wish that they’d allow their kids to screw up a little now and then, and learn from the experience. Kids are pretty resilient. Hell, I screwed up all the time but turned out okay.

Did I Miss Anything?

I did not write this masterpiece but it’s probably my favorite poem of all time. It sums up perfectly what it’s like to be a teacher. If I had a krona for each time I was asked by a student if he or she “missed anything” well, let’s just say I wouldn’t have to make a living as a teacher.

Did I Miss Anything?

Tom Wayman

Nothing. When we realized you weren’t here
we sat with our hands folded on our desks
in silence, for the full two hours

Everything. I gave an exam worth
40 percent of the grade for this term
and assigned some reading due today
on which I’m about to hand out a quiz
worth 50 percent

Nothing. None of the content of this course
has value or meaning
Take as many days off as you like:
any activities we undertake as a class
I assure you will not matter either to you or me
and are without purpose

Everything. A few minutes after we began last time
a shaft of light suddenly descended and an angel
or other heavenly being appeared
and revealed to us what each woman or man must do
to attain divine wisdom in this life and
the hereafter
This is the last time the class will meet
before we disperse to bring the good news to all people
on earth.

Nothing. When you are not present
how could something significant occur?

Everything. Contained in this classroom
is a microcosm of human experience
assembled for you to query and examine and ponder
This is not the only place such an opportunity has been
gathered

but it was one place

And you weren’t here

WOTD: tumultuous

I seem to be posting a lot of adjectives lately, but I suppose that’s because I tend to choose words that match whatever major or minor current events that are taking place. The word tumultuous is defined as “full of tumult or riotousness; marked by disturbance and uproar.” What with the recent death of Osama bin Laden and the conflicts in Libya, and Egypt, and Tunisia, we live very tumultuous times, indeed.

We had some tumultuousness at work yesterday, apparently. I was off sick but heard all about it today. The generally-hated Big Boss had come down from Stockholm again for an open house evening at the school. After being asked by the Big Boss to participate in the open house, a colleague who teaches Social Science subjects responded angrily and vehemently that there was no way she was going to put in any extra hours for a man who obviously despised Social Science teachers. And here I thought he merely hated English teachers.

She then stormed out of the building. Oh deary me…

Anyway, I was pretty surprised to hear about this because the colleague in question is someone who is normally very laid back and cheerful. She’s a nice and fun-to-be-around person, not confrontational or prone to angry outbursts at all. Yet I know very well how the Big Boss’s contemptuous indifference can really get to you. After a while, you just find yourself saying, “Oh, what’s the fucking use?” It’ll be interesting to see what come of this.

Bye for now…

WOTD: conflicted

Today’s word is a feeling, one that I think a lot of us are experiencing concerning the death of Osama bin Laden. To feel conflicted is to be full of conflicting and often contradictory emotions or impulses.

Upon hearing that Osama bin Laden, FBI’s number one most wanted bad guy, the one responsible for the atrocities of September 11, 2001, the July 7, 2005 bombings in London (among others) had been killed in a surgical military operation, well, one can’t help but jump for joy and shout, “YESSSS!!!!!!”

But wait, is that really an appropriate response? I mean, should one be filled with joy over the death of a fellow human being? Even one with such a defiantly uncompromising and completely distorted view of reality? Evil or not, he was still a man, who unfailingly believed he was doing God/Allah’s work by ridding the world of the oppressive infidels. Just like Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden hid himself away, and he held on to his misguided convictions until the very end. And like Hitler, he would rather die than be captured by the enemy. And thus he did.

The fate of Saddam Hussein was undoubtedly a fate he wished to avoid at all costs.

More on this later…

WOTD: dysania

I was introduced to his word from His Royal Foxiness only yesterday. It is apparently the state of finding it difficult to get up in the morning. Heh. If this is a real disorder then I and just about everyone I know “suffers” from it.

There may also be an element of alcohol involved, as the Urban Dictionary further defines “dysania” as the “state of finding it hard to get out of bed in the morning after a hangover.”

However, after failing to find a mention of this supposed disorder on Wikipedia or the online dictionary I regularly use, I’ve come to the conclusion that “dysania” is not a real disorder.

Someone, somewhere, just made it up.

Stay tuned…

WOTD: a “shower of bastards” and other collective nouns…

With many thanks to Cissi for the idea…

According to the Urban Dictionary (the unreliability of the source notwithstanding), the phrase “shower of bastards” is Irish slang for a “group of not altogether nice people.”

As in, “Look at that shower of bastards over there. They’re not even drinking Guinness.”  Oi, what a bunch of gobshites.

Anyway, this got me thinking about how many colorful, surprising, and just plain odd collective nouns there are. Wikipedia of course names all of them but here’s a few of my favorites:

A glaring of cats. (Hehe…I’ve certainly been glared at by my cat)

A coffle of asses.

A shrewdness of apes.

A chin of beards. (This one made me laugh out loud.)

A singular of boars.

A cheat of bursars.  (A bursar is the person responsible for billing you at a college or university.)

A threat of courtiers.

A murder of crows.

A busyness of ferrets.

A parliament of owls.

A storytelling of crows.

A drunkenship of cobblers. (You know, those guys who make and repair shoes.)

A neverthriving of jugglers. (Does this tell us something about juggling as a possible career choice?)

A number of mathematicians (Hahaha. This one might be a bit dubious.)

An obstinacy of buffalo.

A scathe of zombies.

An ugly of walruses.

And my number one all time favorite:

sad of emos. (I shit you not)

Until next time…

The Sadness Worm

You never feel it move or squirm,
But you know when you’ve got,
The Sadness Worm.
You get it when you swallow pain.
And it makes a mark.
It makes a stain.
So everybody knows your plight.
You’ve got this worm,
This parasite.
It shrinks away from joy and fun,
Just like a vampire avoiding the sun.
Unfortunately there is no cure,
No medicine to take for sure.
The Sadness Worm gets sick and weak,
But it never dies,
Just goes to sleep.
It burrows deep inside your heart,
And from within,
Tears you apart.
And there it stays and there it lies,
Until one day,
Your heart just dies.