Love deludes.
Friends betray.
Joy eludes.
Jobs underpay.
Success evades.
Beloved pets die.
Depression invades.
You might as well die.

Dorothy Parker’s original brilliance:

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.