You know what I fucking hate?  Candlelight vigils.  Not only is a gathering of people with candles a fire hazard, but they just don’t work.  I am particularly perplexed by people holding candlelight vigils for missing people.  I just read today that another young, attractive white woman went missing, and people have already scheduled a candlelight vigil for her.   People, instead of holding a fucking vigil, how about you form a search party instead or drive around the fucking neighborhood looking for her, seriously?  For Pete’s sake even putting up missing person posters on a lamp post is doing something!  Standing around with a damned candle is pointless.

I will admit that I can sort of understand a candlelight vigil for memorial purposes.  Say Princess Diana died and some idiot wants to stand outside and get hypothermia, that’s okay.  Nothing says I remember you like almost dying yourself.  I’m not going to do it, but to each their own.

Now if I ever go missing, I want all of you to be out there looking for me, and for the love of God, don’t stand around with fucking candles, okay?