He’d say ”see ya in the funnies”,
And then he’d try to make one,
He could never resist,
Even the worst pun,
Kept all the rubber bands,
From his Globe & Mail,
And drawers full of clothes,
That he bought on sale,

He had so many kids,
Didn’t always know their names,
He’d call’em all George and Henry,
When they’d all play games,
He was always kinda short,
Even shorter in the end,
No one ever doubted,
Shirley was his best friend,

Yeah Pappa’s gone on
To gates so pearly,
No doubt St.Peter said
you’re a little bit early”
To which Pappa woulda said,
I’m here to see my Shirley”,

Knew his way around his tools,
And a welding torch,
In the old days he’d sit,
With a guitar on a porch,
Always a kind word,
To the cashier and waiter,
And kept every little thing,
Cuz he might need it later,

Sometimes he’d disappear,
In his room or on a ship,
He even disappeared
On a Las Vegas trip,
But we’d never ever worry,
Cuz we’d always know,
We could find him somewhere,
In the casino,

His emotions were never hung out on his sleeve,
Wasn’t quick to say what he didn’t believe,
He liked to joke and tease, could be an instigator,
He kept his love on a shelf,
Cuz he might need that later……


The Original Random Misanthrope

If anyone lives up to the title of “random misanthrope,” it’s my dad. I got a letter in the mail from him a couple of days ago. It contained a personal check for $300 and a piece of paper (dated May 5) upon which was written the most…well, I suppose the right word is random, nonsensical unrelated ideas. These are not the thoughts of a rational mind. The most lucid thing he wrote was the last line, “Please do not cash the check until after the 1st of June.”

No worries there. There’s no way I can “cash” anything. The only way to deal with checks sent from the United States is to send them right back and have them deposited in my Wells Fargo bank account. A few years ago I did some freelance writing work for a website and was paid $50 per article. I was paid by check and the checks were sent to my address in Sweden, where I would endorse them and send them to my mom in California, where she’d deposit them in my bank account. Then I could withdraw the funds here using my Wells Fargo ATM card. I considered just having them sent directly to my mom’s house, but then I wouldn’t be able to endorse them.

At least he remembered to use the correct address this time. I never got last year’s annual check and letter because he sent it to my old address and then it disappeared. It was never returned or forwarded. I tried to explain this to him when I saw him in February but I wasn’t sure if he understood. He did after all. It just took him almost four months to do anything about it.

One thing you have to understand about my dad is that he moves very slowly. Snails seem like cheetahs in comparison.