Go Fuck Yourself Weekly: Mike Huckabee is out of his goddamned mind.

The previous week in American politics has seen one of the winningest winning streaks in recent history. In the wake of the overwhelmingly tragic shootings at the EMA Church in Charleston, SC, public officials all over the South finally came to their senses and took down the Confederate Flag from government buildings. Then shortly after declaring that the Affordable Care Act is, in fact, constitutional (again), the Supreme Court of the United States gave one big judiciary middle finger to homophobia when they ruled that all Americans, regardless of sexual orientation, are entitled to equal treatment under the law, and therefore it is unconstitutional to deny them marriage licences. Same sex marriage became legal in all 50 states with one resounding pound of the gavel. Justice Kennedy’s final ruling on the case reads like poetry. He totally kills it.

Myself and my like-minded friends and family members rejoiced when the news broke out on Friday, undoubtedly just as fervently as the right-wing hate machine at Fox News and the conservative blogosphere reacted equally and oppositely with outrage. They declared that the SCOTUS was overstepping its bounds, that the ruling is unconstitutional, totally misapprehending that the primary function of the SCOTUS is to interpret the constitution. Therefore, if they say something is constitutional, then it’s good and damn well constitutional. End of discussion.

One of the most insane voices in protest over the ruling is former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, who told Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly that he wouldn’t acquiesce to a “imperial” court anymore than the Founding Fathers would do so to a tyrannical British monarch. “We must resist and reject judicial tyranny, not retreat.” Yes, he’s actually comparing the SCOTUS ruling on equal marriage rights to the Revolutionary War. How typically Tea Partian. To her credit, however, Megyn Kelly’s not buying a word of it. “What does that mean,” is her response to his ravings about the “tyrannical” Supreme Court. And when he tries to tell her that the SCOTUS ruling was unconstitutional, she reminds him that the SCOTUS has the final say and that he has to accept it, “How do you not accept it,” she asks.

He then goes on to compare the ruling on same sex marriage to the Dred Scott Decision of 1857, in which free African Americans were found not to be citizens in a 7-2 ruling by the SCOTUS. They therefore had no rights whatsoever, and President Lincoln, acknowledging the unfairness and general awfulness of the ruling, decided to consider them citizens anyway. Yes, Huckabee actually invoked a SCOTUS ruling denying people rights as an example of why we don’t need to accept one granting people equal rights.

But then how could one expect anything less from a man who, earlier this year, declared that he would “call fire from Heaven” in an effort to root out the “false prophets” and make American citizens come to their collective senses regarding traditional marriage and family values. According to Huckabee, same sex marriage is the single worst atrocity that has ever been committed by man, worse than enslaving an entire race of people, bombing entire cities into oblivion, or committing genocide in the name of religion. No. Gay marriage is what’s really going to provoke the wrath of God, and he’ll be damned if he’s going to stand by and and just watch it happen.

Or perhaps, he and the rest of the right-wing, homophobic, bible thumpers currently foaming at the mouth over the ruling, could just calm the fuck down and accept it, since gay couples being allowed to get married doesn’t affect them in the slightest possible way. Or they could always move to Canada, as many have threatened to do over the ruling, just like they did over Obamacare, not realizing that, along with National Health care, same-sex marriage has been universally legal in Canada for almost a decade.

Well, gosh darn. Is there nowhere that an insufferable, intolerant, and insane idiot can find refuge these days? I hear Saudia Arabia is very nice this time of year.

2 thoughts on “Go Fuck Yourself Weekly: Mike Huckabee is out of his goddamned mind.

    • I subscribe to the “we keep electing idiots to public office because we are idiots” theory. We want our elected representatives to be just like us. Idiots.

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