Eau de Yuppie

In a few weeks’ time,
The Swede and I will be moving.
The current occupants,
Of the soon-to-be-ours apartment,
At first seemed very nice.
They sold to us for cheap,
Things they put in the place,
Custom blinds, a dishwasher,
And a built-in microwave.
Also, they’ve got a lot of stuff,
And were we interested in any of it?
Well, we do need more furniture.
We’ll come over and take a look.
The wanted to sell us,
Just about everything they had,
Couches, desks, shelves,
Sideboards, and even curtains.
But particularly…
Their dining room table and chairs.
They were nice. Quite nice, in fact.
And very expensive when they were new.
(They made a point of telling us,
How much everything cost,
When they bought it new.)
“These were the most expensive
Chairs in the country!”
Yes, but they are also,
The ugliest chairs in the country,
Stark, modern, Scandinavian design.
Not to my taste at all.
And even though the table and chairs,
Cost more than four months’
Of my current salary when new.
And they’re selling them,
For one months’ salary,
I’m not paying that for second-hand
Stuff that I don’t really like.
But they did have other furniture,
That we liked, and said we wanted.
But they seemed to be insulted,
That we weren’t interested in buying,
The over-priced table and chairs.
Like how could we not want them?
Didn’t we understand how nice they were,
And what a deal we were getting??
How dare we turn them down?!
So, no deal. No sale.
They wouldn’t sell us the desk,
The shelves or anything else.
“We’ll have no more of that!!!”
They said, dismissively and rudely,
Like an impatient parent,
Admonishing a recalcitrant,
Four year-old child.
When we move in,
I’m going to burn nag champa,
In every room.
To rid the place,
Of the lingering smell,
Of Eau de Yuppie.

One thought on “Eau de Yuppie

  1. “See these table and chairs,
    Aren’t they divine?”
    Oh yes, we paid 4 months salary,
    And they’re all mine,
    Errr, ours,
    Okay, mine, hahaha!
    We got them on discount,
    Full price won’t do,
    But never no mind,
    Because their full value,
    Reflects on us,
    Makes us feel, well, more,
    Yes so much more,
    And we’ve a surprise in store,
    For you! Yes you!
    We’ll happily sell them on your way,
    For a fraction of the price,
    That we didn’t really pay,
    But that’s okay,
    For their expensive splendour too,
    Also will reflect on you!
    You don’t play that game?
    Now I just feel silly,
    And a little ashamed,
    Forget my offer!
    That offer is gone,
    Fuck you!
    And that horse that you rode in on!

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