A Major Award

It’s indescribably beautiful!

T’was the middle of dinner,
And all round the table,
We heard someone knocking,
Someone quite irritable.

“What is it?” said the Old Man,
To the man with a pen,
“I dunno,” And he shrugged,
When my dad asked again.

“Fra Gee Lay,” said the Old Man,
That’s what it says here.
Why, I think this thing,
Might be Italian, my dear!”

Mom said, “It says Fragile.”
Dad said, “I can’t wait!
Get the hammer and crowbar,
Let’s open this crate!”

But just what was inside it,
We still weren’t aware.
“My god!” said my dad,
Anything could be there!”

Then at last, it appeared.
In a high heel and fish nets,
A statue? No…a lamp!
It’s electrical sex!

“Oh, what a great lamp!”
Said the Old Man with pride.
“In our window this goes,
So I can see it outside!”

And to our front window,
All attention was drawn.
Our whole neighborhood,
Was dazzled, turned on.

But my mother was horrified.
And hiding her face,
From that godawful lamp.
That plastic disgrace.

She had plans for that lamp,
Source of marital strife.
For the ugliest lamp,
Ever seen in her life.

But the Old Man’s eyes boggled!
It was clear he adored,
His indescribably beautiful,
Major Award!



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