WOTD: needs

Today’s word is one of those words that has multiple linguistic functions.

It could be an adverb that is defined as, “of necessity, usually preceded by the word must.”

For example: “It must needs be so.” Which to me sounds very Shakespearean or even biblical.

It could also be a transitive verb, which is a verb that requires both a subject and an object:

“She needs money.”

Or indeed, it could be a plural noun described as what is required or needed:

“What are the needs of third world countries?”

Okay, that’s enough boring grammar stuff. I’m sure most of you are familiar with the “(Your first name here) needs…” game, and some of you might have done yours and posted it on Facebook. The instructions are very simple. All you need to do is go to Google or any search engine of your choice and type in your first name plus the word “needs” in the search field. Then press enter and write down the first ten hits you get, no matter how weird or stupid they are.

I’ll go first:

1. Gwen NEEDS to sign! (Sign what, I’m not really sure but it’s REALLY important that I sign it.)

2. Gwen needs to get Palin back on topic. (As long as it’s Michael Palin.)

3. Gwen needs to step down. (Difficult as I have a phobia of walking down stairs.)

4. Gwen needs no helmet…Ba! (For I am invulnerable…)

5. Gwen needs 5 man strat run. (Um…actually I need a nerd to explain this one as it’s related to WoW.)

6. Gwen needs to fire herself as her stylist. (If I do then does this mean I’ll have to pay unemployment benefits to myself?)

7. Gwen needs a doctor. (Preferably a rich well-built single doctor.)

8. Gwen needs an apartment. (I’m house broken. Can’t say the same for my 25 cats.)

9. Gwen needs to chill out a little. (Yeah, right. Chill this out, bitches!)

10. Gwen needs a hero. (He’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be fast, and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight…)

3 thoughts on “WOTD: needs

  1. Ken needs a penis. (apparently this was a reference to he of Barbie doll fame, so I’m not taking it personally, although I admit I did doublecheck.)
    Ken needs to come spend a few days with this angry woman. (Um, no thanks. Did that, twice, and have the divorce papers to prove it.)
    Ken needs targeted traffic. (Now we’re getting somewhere!)
    Ken needs to buy a new dining room chair. (Well I’ll buy two, just for the sake of hope and appearances.)
    Ken needs a web redemption. (Well who doesn’t?)
    Ken needs to sell everything! (Wait a minute, I just bought those chairs!)
    Ken needs an avatar. (Really, anything will do. Perhaps Cousin It?)
    Ken needs that state pension! (Well yeah, at least one…..)
    Ken needs a job. (Well, yeah, if I don’t get the pension.)
    Ken needs a hug and some new windchimes. (Finally, one that’s bang on the money. Well, except for the hug, and the windchimes.)

English, motherfucker, do you speak it? J/K - it's ok if you don't.

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